Perfectly You!
Acknowledging Your Fears and Doing It Anyways
It feels so nice to be writing here on Substack again. I’ve really missed connecting with you and having open and honest conversations centered around mental health and anxiety. I’ll be starting up my podcast, too, finishing up going through Bold Trust and then shifting into more in-depth discussions about mental health and anxiety
A lot happened in 2024. (I have a lot of material to write about in the coming months!) And I’m excited to share that last month I published my first children’s book Perfectly Sunny – A Big-Hearted Hedgehog Finds Her Forever Home. I’m super proud to get this book out in the world! This children’s story has messages about self-love and self-worth. Perfectly Sunny redefines what perfect really means.
Perfectly Sunny
Perfectly Sunny was inspired by my daughter’s three-legged hedgehog named Sunny, who had the sweetest temperament. Even though we tried everything to save her leg, she eventually lost her front left leg because of a bone infection caused by an injury at the pet store.
We can be so hard on ourselves whenever we feel like we fall short in any aspect of our lives. We feel undeserving when we aren’t “perfect” and whenever we make mistakes. Yet, if we observe the animals in our lives, they seem to always know their worth and that they deserve love. This was the case with Sunny.
Sunny knew that she deserved to be held and taken care of. She knew that she deserved to be loved. She wasn’t embarrassed because she wasn’t “perfect” and had three legs. She didn’t try to hide herself in shame. She just soaked in all the love and warmth we showered on her.
Witnessing Sunny’s recovery and healing was both beautiful and eye-opening. While I had a lifelong habit of being uncomfortably hard on myself for what I saw as my imperfections and mistakes, I saw how Sunny wholeheartedly accepted herself after losing her leg. Her self-love and self-acceptance are lessons for us all.
After losing her leg, Sunny lived a long, healthy and active life for a hedgehog. Last year when she died, I knew it was time to share her inspiring story. I wrote Perfectly Sunny to reinforce messages to kids (and the adults who read to them) that perfect is about what’s in our hearts.
Paralyzed by Fear
I had such a terrible publishing experience with my first adult non-fiction book, Bold Trust, that I decided to self-publish Perfectly Sunny. I wanted to be in the driver’s seat for Perfectly Sunny, yet being fully in control also terrified me. I felt so much fear about self-publishing Perfectly Sunny that I almost didn’t do it.
I was paralyzed by fear for a couple of reasons. First, I felt fear of the unknown. Self-publishing was something new that I had never done before and I didn’t know exactly what the whole process would look or feel like. Not knowing what the next 10 steps were and how they would play out overwhelmed me to the point where I found myself making excuses for not taking the next step in front of me.
The second fear that paralyzed me was the fear of making mistakes. Even though I’ve done so much internal healing, I still have some perfectionist tendencies. The fear of being imperfect and making mistakes paralyzes so many of us from moving forward with our dreams.
Acknowledging Our Fears
So many of us already dismiss our fears and push them away. We believe that we should only focus on our positive feelings. We worry that being honest about our fears and addressing them will manifest our fears because we’re giving our fears time and energy.
However, ignoring any of our emotions (including fear, sadness, and anger) does not register as something positive in our bodies. Invalidating our emotions disrupts the flow of energy in our bodies, which affects our intuition. Neglecting our fearful emotions sends signals to our bodies and minds that we aren’t safe.
Acknowledging our fears, giving voice to them, and getting really clear about what specifically we’re afraid of is the first step forward. Because our fears make us feel incredibly uncomfortable, we tend to steer clear of these feelings. It’s human nature to avoid discomfort. Instead of running from these feelings, choosing to turn towards them allows us to gain clarity about what exactly we’re afraid of.
Doing It Anyways
Fear is a healthy emotion. Fear keeps us out of situations that could potentially harm us. It’s important to take a moment to examine our fears to see if they’re legitimate and are warning us of physical harm or emotional and spiritual damage. For example, the fear of going out late at night by yourself or the fear of spending a weekend with an emotionally abusive person are both real fears that we should listen to.
However, if our fear is trying to protect us from a slightly bruised ego, then this is fear we can set aside. Just giving a voice to our fears diminishes their power over us because they can no longer lurk unnamed in the background. Once we know what our specific fears are, we can coach ourselves on how to move through our fears. Maybe our fear is trying to guard us from being mocked and ridiculed for following through with a project or goal. Not going after our dreams will hurt us more emotionally and spiritually than temporary feelings of vulnerability if we do it anyway.
To quell my fears about writing and publishing Perfectly Sunny, I spent many hours reading and researching how to write and self-publish a children’s picture book. I invested in children’s book coaching, editing, and quality illustrations. Learning as much as I could about this process helped ease my fears of the unknown.
To keep myself moving forward with my book, I focused on just the next step instead of worrying about the next 10 steps. After I completed that step, I directed my attention to the following step until my book was completed and published. The whole writing and self-publishing process is overwhelming, but breaking it down into smaller steps made it feel more manageable.
I also gave myself permission to make mistakes. As a new children’s book author who was also self-publishing for the first time, it was more realistic to expect mistakes than not. (And I definitely made my fair share of mistakes!) My fear of Perfectly Sunny not being…. well… perfect was keeping me from publishing it.
I eventually reasoned with myself that it was more important to get Sunny’s story out in the world with mistakes than for her story to forever remain a saved file on my computer. Giving myself the freedom to make mistakes is probably what helped me the most to finish my book.
Perfectly You!
Publishing Perfectly Sunny has been a dream of mine for years, and I’m beyond thrilled to have self-published it (mistakes and all!). Whatever project or dream you’ve been thinking about for a while I encourage you to revisit it and to blow the dust off it and roll up your sleeves.
When fears surface, address them and then know that you can do it anyway. When feeling overwhelmed, do your research and then take one manageable step at a time. As for making mistakes, aim for completion rather than perfection. Simply do your best and know that your best is always good enough. In fact, your best is perfectly you!
Perfectly Sunny is available for purchase on Amazon.
Announcement
I’m also excited to share that I have a few openings this year for anyone interested in one-on-one coaching with me. Visit my website angelsgoldhealing.com to learn more or to schedule a free 15-minute introductory session with me.